by Rosemary Ottavino
Throughout my life, my brother John and I have had a very schizophrenic relationship. We either love each other or hate each other with almost no middle ground. Several years ago, after my father’s death, we had such a falling out that for seven years we couldn’t stand to be in the same room with each other. Luckily that rift was eventually healed, and we were able to be close again. Our families even started celebrating Thanksgiving together.
A year or two after we began celebrating together, I become interested in metta practice. I decided to practice metta in relation to all the family and friends I would be sharing my Thanksgiving table with. Beginning about three weeks before Thanksgiving, I prayed every night, wishing each individual peace, happiness, and freedom from fear.
The day after the holiday, I was sitting around the table with both my brothers and my sister-in-law. Suddenly John started in again, bringing up the old grievances that had estranged us so many years before. That’s when the miracle happened.
His harsh words became a wind that simply blew right through me. I was simultaneously hearing him and noticing this strange yet wonderfully peaceful phenomenon. And then came the hook. One part of what he was saying caught on my body and took hold. In that moment, I was aware I had the choice to either lash out or choose peace. I chose peace. I calmly yet tearfully explained to my brother that I wasn’t going to do this. I told him how terrible it had been for me when we fought before and that I wasn’t going to do it again. The situation was diffused. I remember thinking, while all this was going on, “This metta stuff really works!”
We are still friends many years later, and although he occasionally lobs grenades in my direction, I am able to go back to that place of peace and let them blow through.
